Friday, 7 January 2011

Confidence

I have had a couple of emails recently about confidence, more specifically, how to become more confident. I thought I would do a post on it and open it up to all of you guys since insecurity or being unsure of yourself is something that we all experience at some point. Some people are born confident, it’s just a facet of their personality but I don’t believe that anyone is 100% confident, 100% of the time. It’s something we all have to work on throughout our lives and it’s integral to our happiness. Feeling bad about yourself or the way you look can really hold you back in life and it can prevent you from achieving your goals and experiencing some pretty wonderful things. You could be missing out on a great guy, the perfect job, wearing the clothes you want to wear or being the person you always wanted to be. So why not make today the day you start to give yourself a break, start believing in who you are and start enjoying your life to the max!


Confidence is all about completely accepting who you are, what you've done, and loving yourself for all your mistakes, successes and bad hair days. It doesn’t matter what others think of you, belief in yourself is strongest and most powerful weapon you can have in life. With that, you can achieve anything! Remember when you were a kid and had big ideas about what you wanted to be? Why give up that enthusiasm for life just because you are older?

I would say I'm a confident woman now but I was never that way when I was a teenager. I was never in the popular group and I didn’t really have the right clothes or feel like I fitted in (except for within my small group of friends). I got bullied a bit and was called names, never anything physical but the psychological damage can stay with you for a long time and you’ll often find that your insecurities stem from things like that. Why is it we brush off all the compliments we get but remember criticism or put-downs for years to come??? I also went through a very bad, scary and destructive relationship when I was 17 and it affected my belief in myself in a massive way. It took a long time to repair myself after that but it made me a stronger person. I built on the experience and if it never happened then I never would have had the wonderful life I have now. I have no regrets because it made me who I am today.


So here’s some tiperoos on how I stay confident…

1) I think the first step to becoming a more confident person is to look at the people around you and decipher whether they have a positive or negative effect on you and your life. Negative people are like black holes and they can totally drain your energy and just suck the life out of you...they're energy vampires! You will probably feel exhausted after being around them because they drag you down and make you feel negative and depressed. Whether they are work colleagues, frenemies or even a member of your family, you have to take positive steps to block their negativity towards you. I often use one of two techniques…either you go on a charm offensive and be so sweet and nice that they don’t know what to say i.e.

Negative person: “You look really fat today”

You: *Smile* “Why thank you, I hear fat is the new thin! I’m SO on trend!”

Or I practice something that my mum taught me through her study of Reiki. You basically imagine that you are in a bubble and when they direct their negative energy towards you, just imagine it bouncing back to them whilst you stay completely safe in your bubble. This may sound stupid and I initially laughed when my mum advised me to do it but I tried it when I was having real problems at work with a couple of people and it worked for me. It makes you feel enpowered and strong because you make yourself untouchable to their nasty words or bad attitudes. Always remember that their negative behaviour is a reflection of them. It gives you an insight into you what kind of person they are and what issues they may be dealing with in their life. It's not a reflection of who you are so don’t let their issues drag you down and don’t give them the reaction they are looking for.

2) I know this is a boring one but it really is an important part of feeling good about yourself and life in general. Regular exercise improves your energy levels and releases endorphins into your body which make you feel on top of the world! You instantly feel more positive, you feel physically fitter and healthier and in turn you start to feel good about your body. You begin to have bags more energy and it doesn’t have to be about losing weight, it can just be about getting fit and being healthy. I NEVER regret going to the gym when I’ve finished a workout but I always regret it when I sit at home watching TV instead.


3) I always find that music has a massive effect on my mood. When I listen to uplifting music, I feel happy and energised and more confident. A great positive song is Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ because the song itself is about being proud of who you are and achieving everything you’re capable of. It’s a temporary boost to your confidence but the more time you spend feeling happy, the more likely you are to feel more confident in general. I love blasting happy tunes before I go on a night out…I even have ‘getting ready’ playlists I put on whilst I put on my makeup. Yes I’m a big geek, thank you very much!

4) One of the most important things to remember…don’t try to be someone you’re not. Whenever you think of a confident person you know in your life, they seldom copy other people, they stand out because they are proud to be different. Compare yourself to yourself, not to others or you will always feel disappointed. There will always be someone more attractive, more successful, more talented. You have one face and one body you were born with and we all have individual talents. Be the best YOU can be. If you concentrate more on yourself and how you have grown as a person, then you can start to feel good about it rather than focusing on other people and what you don’t have. Don’t envy anybody. Every person has something unique. Develop that one thing in yourself and make it outstanding.

5) Accept compliments gracefully. Too often, when someone pays you a compliment, it becomes too easy to just shrug it off or tell yourself they were just being nice. Accept the compliment, take it in and believe it (unless it’s from some drunk guy in a bar at 3am. He just wants a little sumn sumn.ha ha). You have to start believing in yourself so next time someone says your hair looks nice, just say “thank you”. Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance though – it’s not about thinking you’re BETTER than other people, it’s about being happy with who you are and comfortable in your own skin.


6) Celebrate your individuality. Whether you write songs/poetry, you are the only one in your group of friends who likes country music, you have loads of piercing and tattoos, you want to be the next Susan Boyle…be proud to be different. Take control of your life and own it, own whatever you choose to do. Taking control of your life can give you confidence, whether it’s getting out of a bad job, getting rid of a toxic boyfriend or losing weight. Surround yourself with positive, genuine, good-hearted friends who make you laugh and believe in you and appreciate you for who you are as a person.

7) Kill negative thoughts. I used to always scrutinize my nose when I was a teenager. I hated the way it looked and I always wanted to get a nose job to shave down the slight bump in it. No one else seemed to notice it but me. But as I got older, I started to realize that my nose was what connected me to my family, where I came from. So why would I want to erase that? It tells a story about who I am and chances are, if I got a nose job then my face would look very different. I realized that it’s our imperfections that make us beautiful. For example, I always thought that Joaquin Phoenix’s cleft palette scar always made him more attractive. These little things tell a story about us all and you should wear them with pride. You have to learn to cut off that voice in your head that spews out negative thoughts and replace it with something positive. Mine used to be “urgh I hate my nose” and now it’s “my nose suits my face and every time I look at it, I’m reminded of where I came from”.

8) Grooming. Ok I don’t need to tell you guys about this because you’re already reading/subscribed to beauty blogs so you know the score! We all know how spending a bit of extra time styling your hair, finding the perfect foundation or finding that super flattering lipstick can give you bags of confidence. That’s why we’re all here obsessing over products day after day. We are all looking out for that product that will make just that extra bit of difference and make us feel good. That’s what I love about cosmetics, they can give people the confidence to feel good about the way they look and that’s truly priceless.

So that’s my take on the whole confidence issue and how I deal with it. Everyone has good days and bad days but it’s important to make sure the good outweigh the bad. Because life is too short to spend it putting yourself down, right? Only you can control how you see yourself so it's up to you to make the positive changes in your thought processes.  So hold your head up, smile and go about your day knowing that you are special.

What gives you confidence?

20 comments:

  1. ..thanks for this post ..I been feeling a bit down lately , you know , those times when nothing feels right and you don't really know why !confidence never really were my thing but reading this above made me feel very positive ..and what a great thing in the morning : )

    I think my mood gives me confidence , wierd but I have it or don't have at all ..

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  2. Thanks for the post. I needed some inspiration as was feeling a bit down xx

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  3. This is just what I needed to hear and it's made my night so much beter and gotten me out of my self pity party. I am woman hear me roar right? Lol thanks for the awesome post :)

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  4. Thanks, this was very inspiring! Just what we all need to think about (especially in the doom and gloom of January).

    I feel confident when my nails are done :-)
    And a good hair day always helps - haha!

    x

    Clever Rabbit Beauty Blog
    Polish. Potions. Whatever.

    Follow me on twitter @Clever_Rabbit

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  5. Fantastic post. I've had a couple of real knocks to my confidence lately and can suffer with low esteem, but this post has given me a lot of positivity, thankyou :-)
    Sarah
    sparkle-and-grey.blogspot.com

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  6. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! I have really lost a bit of confidence due to school. It is so competitive and I have lost some of confidence due to it. I used to soo confident..u have not idea and I lost it and can not find it. This post has helped me realize where I need look for it again and find it. THANK U AGAIN! this beauty blogging network is one of the best things I could have done, everyone is so support and they always want to help. Your a great person and will come back to this post again for some reminders. This is so what I needed and it so made my day.

    http://icosmeticrn.blogspot.com

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  7. @ellinelle - I'm glad the post gave you a boost, that's why I wanted to write about it because so many people suffer from low self-esteem.

    @littlewifetomama - thanks for the comment :)

    @Tali - That's quite alright, hope it lifted your spirits on today of all days :) xxx

    @Beauty Bug - That's exactly it! So happy you got something out of the post and I was able to brighten your mood in some small way x

    @CleverRabbit - people always seem to feel more down in winter...maybe it's that SAD thing taking effect!

    @sparkle-and-grey - No problem, don't let things get you down. Think of the start of a new year as an opportunity to begin a fresh page and start feeling good about yourself :) x

    @Jess - I had bad experiences at school and when people say it was the happiest time of their life, I just think "Whaaaaat?". I hate how it was at school but just remember those those nasty girls? high school is their peak! Where do they go after that? You are going on to bigger and better things :) x

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  8. i love that reiki bubble tip i am so going to use it! ... its always so much easier said than done ... in my case i just woke up one day and thought 'sod it! i am me ... deal with it!' ... hold your head high, walk tall and smile smugly when people can't keep their eyes off you! It's your confidence they are in awe of!
    xx

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  9. Uplifting post-well said. I, too, have a "getting ready" batch of songs on my computer that I blast while putting on makeup. Also, I agree with you on that Katy Perry song "firework"- there is a line in that song that I find to be completely true-something like, "maybe the reason why the doors are closed, so that you can open one that leads you to the perfect road"-love it.

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  10. Hey :) You've won an award on my blog! Check it out http://sugarbeauty-x.blogspot.com/

    Love & Kisses
    xox

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  11. thank you for thiss...i loved it im printing it out and putting it next to my bed ha it was lovely xxx

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  12. @Saskia The Salsa Fairy - Glad you like that idea, I thought it was hilarious when I first heard it but it does work! You're right about just saying sod it too...people shouldn't waste time feeling crappy all the time.

    @JewelryBead - Yeah it's a great sentiment behind the song and it is really uplifting. I'm glad you got something out of reading my post :)

    @sugarbeauty - Thanks so much for the award! I really appreciate it and I'm really happy that you enjoy my blog :) xx

    @Erica - Awww that's so cute!lol. It's a good set of things to remember and keep reminding yourself of. I know what it's like to have low self confidence, that was me when I was a teenager. Sometimes it takes a bit of age and experience to make you realise what's really important :) x

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  13. Spending time with people I love gives me confidence because I know they love me for who I am rather than what I look like, and they don't ever focus on my faults. xx

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  14. Fantastic post

    Just to let you I adore your blog and have awarded you The Stlish Blogger Award

    http://plymouthbarbie.blogspot.com/2011/01/wow-another-blog-award-stylish-blogger.html

    Love Jo xxx

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  15. Firstly love the kitty pic!Thank you for such a fab post hun, truly loved reading it. I won't even go into my confidence issues as we'll be here all day! Your mum seems to know her stuff! Hearing about Reiki from other people & your lovely self has really made me want to look into it. I actually used this bubble theory with some nasties at work after a friend told me. I also kinda laughed it off, but then I just gave it a go & was so happy with the effect it had on me! Felt so much stronger & untouchable & made me pity the other people. I could actually see they have many of their own issues & insecurities so boo to them! :) Also feel music is a huge saviour, love cranking it up when feeling down :) Sorry for essay-length ramble! ;)

    Aysh xoxo

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  16. This is a brilliant post. I'm linking over to it from our blog and wanted to let you know how much I like it and how much I think our readers will get out of it too. Thank you for taking the time to put this together; your tips are spot-on! Anyone who reads this will benefit from it. Also following you now!

    http://blog.theclosetnarcissist.com/2011/01/how-to-be-more-confident.html

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  17. @Esther - the best thing is being around people who see the real you, they know your flaws and accept you regardless.

    @Jo Woods - Thank you so very much for the award, it means so much to me that people get something out of my blog :)

    @Aysh - it's a weird technique but it really worked for me. It's just a case of mind over matter.

    @Jenarcissist - Thanks so much for linking my post on your blog. I'm flattered that you feel it's important for your subsrcibers to read :) x

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  18. I loved this post. I think you are %100 correct on this, especially simply believing in yourself. Great words of wisdom!

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  19. Thank you for this post, we all need a little pick me up. Isn't it funny how girls make other girls feel like crap about themselves?

    My fiance says fashion and clothes and diets are all women competing really and I have to say there is a part of this statement that I agree with as men dont really care aslong as u give them attention lol

    Thanks for this post, really cheered me up on this Monday morning! xx

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